Happy Ending
by Bobbie23
Summary: Spoilers for Surrendering Noah. Nick tells Amanda he's leaving.


**Disclaimer - I don't own Law and Order: Special Victims Unit or any of the characters.**

Happy Ending

You stare at the mirror in approval, tugging the new dress you'd brought for the occasion. Your hair's done, wavy and clipped on one side. In the mirror you see Frannie lying on your bed frowning at you because she knows you're going out without her. With one last appraisal you turn and crouch down to make a fuss of her. She rolls onto her back exposing her belly for you to scratch while laughing at her. She quickly loses interest and decides you to need some love and attention too as she twists quickly and you're just able to dodge her tongue as she tries to lick your face. You laugh again and tumble back barely managing to keep your balance. You rise to your full height and attempt to look at her sternly. It doesn't have the effect you want it and she wags her tail excitedly in hopes of more attention. You shake your head and look around for the shoes you want to wear. They're not on the floor or in the closet.

Striding out to the living room, Frannie is right beside you, brushing against the knee length hem of the dress. You try to ignore the appreciative look Nick gives you from his position on the sofa, crutches resting at his side, his low whistle boosting your ego in ways you should be ashamed of. Your walk almost becomes a saunter as you pass him, smirk playing on your lips, to the hallway to look for the missing pumps. He laughs at your antics and you can't fight the warmth that spreads through you. You don't want to fight it.

You rummage through the shoes scattered by the door and find the beige shoes you wanted to wear with the dress. Standing you slip them on, one shoe at a time. You usually forgo heels in favour of sensible shoes but you wanted to dress up. It's the first time you actually want to go to Olivia's for a social occasion, the first time you've felt like celebrating in a long time.

Despite the emotionally crippling times you've all struggled through, it's been a good year because you've come out stronger as a team. Things have thawed between you and Olivia, Fin has stood by you like he always has, Nick has been…well Nick, and you've begun to tolerate Carisi even though you still want to smack him on occasion when he fanboys' over a high profile witness or consultant on a case. And then there's Noah, the reason for everyone gathering at Olivia's.

You remember the first time you saw him, tucked in a draw wrapped in nothing but a blanket and a diaper. You remember your stomach dropping as the magnitude of bust became apparent and the panic and adrenaline coursed through your veins as you called out for the Sergeant because you were too scared to pick up a baby that young. You've never been around kids that much, they make you uneasy, but you couldn't help but grow fond of Noah, secretly keeping track of his progress through the photos which littered Olivia's desk, listening keenly when she gushed about the first time he crawled and again when he took his first step. It'd been a long, tough year for him, but he was strong and came through the various hospital stays he's had to endure. You were so relieved to hear he was on the mend.

You never wanted children. You _do_ like them, it's just you thought you were always too selfish to have them. They would never be the priority they deserve to be in your life. Recently the thought has been creeping into your head and it's not the train wreck you always imagined. You still pretty sure you didn't want them and there were times when Nick raised an eyebrow at your commitment to contraception, but if it ever happened in the future you would at least consider your options.

Returning to the living room Nick's stares at you with that impish grin and not for the first time, you're glad he decided to come here after his PT session rather than head straight to Olivia's party. You duck your head, keeping eye contact out of the top of her eyes and smile bashfully at him, blush warming your face. Inwardly you admonish yourself; you don't do this, especially not with Nick. Neither of you acknowledge the concessions you've made for him which go against all of the rules you had with past lovers. Well you haven't since that time when you argued about bacon.

Your nose twitches and you lift your head. Then you see it. Your brow creases when you realise the grin doesn't reach his eyes and you tilt your head to the side in silent question. That niggling feeling you've been getting since he told you Gil was moving comes back with full force. The one which was almost constantly churning inside of you when you sat with his mother in the waiting room when she insisted it was okay for you to stay. You don't know if she knew about your relationship with Nick or not and maybe it was the shock but she sat closer to you than you expected and engaged you idle, nervous chit chat as you waited for word from the doctor on Nick's condition.

All you want to do is ignore that look but you know what he's going to tell you. He pats the empty cushion beside him. "Come sit for a minute."

You shake your head because you don't want to hear it right now. Knowing and acknowledging are completely different things.

"We're gonna be late," you tell him. You know how it's going to look, arriving late at Olivia's together; you expect the raised eyebrows and knowing looks because you're not fooling anyone. You're already late because you had to finish the paperwork on the call out from last night but you hope the threat of disappointing Olivia will spur him into action and out of your apartment. It doesn't and he pats the cushion again. Your legs start to move against your will.

"You're leaving," you announce, not accusingly.

Nick has the grace to look guilty, remorseful for not telling you before. He shouldn't be, you've never made a commitment to one another or made any promises. You've never met his family outside of the squad under social circumstances. You've never put a label on what happens between you when you leave the job at the end of the day. And that's what you wanted because labelling something means expectations that you have to live up to.

"My kids are-"

"On the other side of the country," you finish for him kindly. "I know Nick. They miss you as much as you miss them."

"I want to be a part of their lives," Nick replies.

"And you can't do that from here."

He shakes his head. "No I can't." He continues rambling about how he wants to watch them grow up and you focus on his face as he explains his reasoning. You understand and you've been expecting it for a while.

You have the sudden urge to do something completely out of character and you go with it as you reach up to cup his cheek with purpose. He falls silent immediately and then you kiss him. It's the only time you've done it when you both know it won't lead to sex. It's a bittersweet goodbye and you try to convey everything you won't say to him. You try to withdraw but he chases and captures your lips, drawing the bottom one between his and sucking gently. You're eventually able to pull back and you stroke your thumb over his cheek, smiling sweetly at him.

"I'm gonna miss you," you say as amiably as you can manage.

"I'm not leaving for a while," he tells you, and you're not sure if he's consoling you or himself.

Thirty minutes later you're crouching behind Noah, laughing as the toddler looks at Carisi like you do when he's annoying you. Out of the corner of your eye you can see Nick and Olivia in the kitchen. You can't hear them but you swallow the lump in your throat as they hug. It sinks in then, makes it official. He's told Olivia, there's no going back now. He told you before he told her, and you don't want to know acknowledge the tingle inside of you caused by that knowledge.

Later that night you're straddling him, your movements mindful of his injuries and the stiches in his side. His hands touch you all over, urging you towards your peak, tracing, remembering. Your move quicker with more force and you grab his fingers, lacing them with yours as you meet his gaze in the dark. You hold onto it, hold your tongue because you refuse to utter those words, not now, not because he's leaving. He doesn't say a word, just cries out as you clench your muscles around him, moving faster and with purpose. You cry out as the orgasm wracks your body and you barely hear his responding groan as he joins you in crashing over the edge. You ride out the few last tremors before collapsing onto his chest.

His hands drop yours on the mattress and his arms envelope you, holding you in place as if he's scared you'll bolt. Your body freezes as you panic that he's going to say something either of you is ready for, something you don't want, something you'll have to respond to. You're relieved when he whispers your name into your hair.

"'Manda," he sighs and you can hear the words he won't say.

You can't speak and you hate letting this get to you like this. You kiss his shoulder and roll off of him and curl into his side, wrapping yourself around him, holding on just as tightly. He may not be leaving for months but this is the last time you'll share your bed with him. You can let him go in the morning you tell yourself. You won't go to the airport, that's not your place. You'll smile dutifully as you attend the going away party Olivia throws for him, ignoring the looks from her and Fin. You'll be his friend and support him because that's what he needs from you.

He's done so much for you and you owe him an easy goodbye. He's restored your faith that some men can be trusted, he's supported you and been a friend, instinctively knowing what to do and say to help you.

You don't expect a happy ending, never wanted one because you know you would grow bored leading the picture perfect life, but you've got to admit that for something which started out as a drunken one night fumble ended up being pretty good. Everything fell into place for a while, and you're sure it wasn't because of Nick, but it helped. You should've known it was too good to last. He deserves a chance at his happy ending even if it's not with you.

"I'll be back to visit, my Mom's already told me I'm home for the holidays," he says attempting but failing to keep a light tone to break the mood.

You tilt your head and rest your chin on his chest. "I'm gonna miss you."

 **Author Note - This is my first attempt at using this style, so I apologise for any mistakes. Bittersweet enough? I want to know what you guys thought so please let me know by leaving a review or sending me a PM.**


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